Are you happy?

Olivia has been asking everyone lately.

"Are you happy?"
"Mama, I love you! Are you happy?"
"You are coming to my performance on Friday, are you happy?"
"..................................... are you happy?"

One can't help it but being infected by her happiness....

She is such an angel. I love her so much!

And yes, I am happy. I am happy merely by the thought of her asking, " Are you happy, mama?"

Look beyond Failure

I have not had much success in any recent job interviews. Although they were all great opportunities. Starhubs, GFA, Cerebos......
I found it so hard to talk about my personal achievements; these interviewers must be thinking if she couldn't even market herself well, how is she going to do a good job as a marketer. I, too, had problem reconciled this with myself.

It's almost impossible and totally unbelievable, I am a full fledge Marketer and I couldn't market myself in the best possible light and all, let alone doing it well.....???!!!

It only hit me now that I couldn't do it not because I couldn't do it, but I couldn't let go and look beyond 'my failure' in M&C.

I was humiliated because I 'consent' to people who doubted my capability and I allowed them to continue to doubt me even after I left the organisation.

Some part of me are blaming myself for not doing enough to keep the job. And when someone ask that question why do I want to leave, it just hit right home.

I am broken.....

I need to get pass this, I need to recognise that what I have done, I have done it in my capacity best. I should not be ashamed of what they don't know enough and didn't recognised. I am good, I am really good at work.

I rolled out a programme ' impossible' to 11properties. I won over all the GMs and many people on the ground. The guests were happy. And what's most important is; I make it happened. I did something and I was and still am proud of my achievement.

On the same note, I should not be sorry or feel responsbiled just because the stupid Chairman and WHR did not appreciate or understand my effort. It's definitely their lost not mine.

I shall not look at it as a failure anymore. I shall look beyond and move on.

I am freed! Freed from the mental prison.

Who is going to be the Goal Keeper!

The last time before Ah Gu was discharge from TTSH, he asked that question out of a sudden. We were all taken aback, looking at each other, thinking to ourselves, 'Oh no. He is not thinking properly.'

I picked up the courage and asked wryly, what are you talking about? He then replied with a tweak at the corner of his mouth, ' I am asking who is there to receive me at the hospice? I am immobile, just like a ball, waiting to be catch, hahaha........'

We all burst out laughing at the point.

I remembered that day was 21 March 2009.

Less than a month from then, the doctor we met yesterday told us that he may only have 2weeks to a month.

He is still hopeful that he could go home.

We only hope that he won't have to suffer too long before he goes home to God.

I am never too religious, but i only pray hard now that God can take him sooner so that he wont need to endure the pain anymore.

Although deep under, I am not sure if we are really ready to let him go....

Dying is a taboo word.

Ah gu (Uncle Sia Ki Seng) is dying.

Never realised how taboo 'dying' can be to most people until very recently. When I told friends who asked why am I taking such a long leave at such a 'critical' time when jobs are scares. They all freak out; even the most witty person was dumb-founded.

An account of incident with TBL on MSN:

TBL: Eh.. why take leave? So long, what happened?
SL: Yeah. I asked for it.
TBL: R U OK?
SL: Yes.
TBL: What happened?
SL: My uncle is dying.
(silent) .........................................

(line went dead)

Another account with TST on the phone:

TST: What happened to yr uncle?
SL: Lung or Liver cancer, I am also not very sure.
TST: Oh... last stage
SL: Yeah, but it has spreaded to other organs and the prognosis is 3-6months.
TST: OH....yeah, (tone dramatically went more than 1 pitch high up) a lot of my church mates' parents also died of cancer.
SL: Oh...
TST: Really, so many...
SL: hmm....Are you silly, why do you still go to that church. You better stop going to this church.
TST: hahaha, yeah hor, so silly....
SL: hahahha
TST: (voice came back to normal or maybe not, a bit too soft and careful ) You take care, OK
SL: Yeah, thanks.

I dealt with 'death' many times in the past, paternal granddad, maternal grand mother, my childhood best friend, Meng, during my younger days, some movie idols, pets that my family kept......

However, no enough 'experiences' have equipped me to face it better the next time. It's always another painful and scary encounter.

However, this time, i have learn something from Ah Gu. That is to face it and not avoid it. Live and death is part and parcel of a person's life.

We are going to make sure we are having a good time together one last time. Without regrets or at least with little to regret.

Justin starts Primary 1 @ St. Anthony Pri. School

My name is Justin San Yi Hern, I am starting Pr. 1 at St. Anthony Primary School. I am going to this school because my daddy is an old boy. My daddy said this is a good school.

After months of anixety (mostly mommy) and 'preparation' (again mostly mommy), the day has finally arrived!

On 2nd of January 2009, I stepped into my new school uniform and boarded the school bus without hesitation. (He didn't even turn his head around to take one look at me.)

Here's an account of my 'eventul' day:

09.18am The prince awoke.
09.30am Breakfast
09.45am Watched cartoon
10.00am Went thru the contents in my school bag and also to try-on the school bag (again)
10.15am Went thru the possible scenario in a school day (again for the Nth time)
11.00am Shower
11.15am Lunch (Terriyaki Chicken rice - mommy's speciality cooking)
11.30am Change into my new school uniform and put on my tie
11.45am Left home to pick-up point
11.55am School bus came and boarded school bus.
(Forgotten to bid mommy and auntie May farewell)
12.15pm Arrived at school
12.20pm Ushered to the Assembly Hall and waited in line with everyone
12.30pm Welcome speech by the principle, Mr Thomas Koh
12.45pm Sent to P1-4 classroom on the 1st floor
1.00pm School started with the 1st bell ring.
3.00pm Introduced to the buddy assigned
3.05pm Visited the canteen with buddy (wow! so many parents surrounded the canteen)
3.10pm Bought packet Milo for S$0.80
3.15pm Found mommy standing on a chair and screaming on top of her voice
3.25pm Went back to classroom after toilet break
6.25pm Not sure which bus to take home, so the Operations Manager called mommy
(she was just standing in front of us with back facing us, he he.......)
6.45pm Bus moved out of school compound.
7.15pm Reached Ah mah's block
(asked to be boa-boa, cos I was really tired)

That's a summary account of my 1st day......

Everyone at home asked me how was my 1st day at school. I repeated 'fine' for the Nth time. : (

It was really fine. I only played and never do any work. I guess Primary school is quite fun after all.

Olivia, My Princess

Oli is due for her day surgery next Tuesday, 16 Decenver 2008, finally.

The procedure for the day as planned goes like this. We are to check her in at 6.30am at Mt. E. I am to accompany her to the operation theatre and they will knock her out with trawberry flavoured gas. After that, I am to be excused, so that the doctor can perform the operation on her. They will remove her Adenoide, hence the procedure Adenoidectomy. It shouldn't take more than an hour. Dr Adrian will also check there and then, if she needs to get her thonsils out as well. Of course, he is to step out and seek our permission prior to the procedure.

I am rehearsing the procedure every day over and over again in my head. Just so that, i know at every second what is happening to my dearest princess. And if there is a situation, I want to be able to react and make the right decision. I need to be familiar with the whole process in order to calm my every nerve. To know that she is in good hand and she will be just fine.

Deep inside me, the truth is I am scare to death. I won't even entertain any thought of mis-happening. Writing it already seem so surreal.

Princess, you will be OK. Mama will do anything and everything within means to make sure that you are going to be OK.



I love you, always, Princess Oli.

Answer to me, mommy!

Yet and again, as i always try to be - multi-tasking; reading newspaper and watching the TV programme, doing all at the same time. And as if that was not enough for a 40-ish woman to handle, little Olivia must shot the mommy with so many questions. Brushing her aside with the "hmm, hmm, orh..."

Guess that was not enough for her, the little princess wanted attention and she wanted A reply. So, when the response from the "busy mommy" didn't seems forth coming, she held the mommy's face and looked in her eyes and then she said, "Answer to me, mommy!"

So cute, isn't she. Well, yes the England may be wrong.. but hey, she is only 2-ish...

Since she started attending school in Febraury 2007, Oli has grown from a timid and shy girl to this outspoken, affectionate and fun loving deary.

Although the initial months were so trying and painful for her and for all around her, somehow, perseverance paid off well. And look at her, she got this little "Sally"in her and it's growing by the day. She imitates the way mommy talks, the way mommy walks, the way mommy carries her handbag,.........

She looks into the mirror and pretends to make her face up, which is really funny and one just cannot help it but love her so with all your heart and soul..

Well, i guess regardless of what happens, she will always be so cute.

She is and will always be my little angel... my little princess...